I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
