Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
