I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
