please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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