there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
