took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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