I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
