Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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