dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
