Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
