this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
