Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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