apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
