We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
