Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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