After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
