i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
