WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
