no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
