I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
