Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
