We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
