tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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