does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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