When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
