I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
