I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
