A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
