a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
