update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
