Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
