goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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