There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
