I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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