Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
