i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
