The police scanner is talking about you again....
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
