he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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