Sry I called you an 8
I wish I could teleport
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Boobs speak an international language.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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