Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
