haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
