cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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