lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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