i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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