if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
