Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
