Just mADE A PArabola og urine
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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