It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
