he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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