I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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