I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
