Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
