why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
